High Expectations – Part 3

I found that cannabis has helped with my mood and my anxiety as well. I somewhat have found a way to be creative again; the first time I painted in over 10 years was because marijuana helped me push boundaries I have created for myself. And I think that finding that creativity in me is also part of my recovery.  Of doing things that I love and in accepting who I really am. Sometimes my anxiety is so bad that I can’t watch a movie or even bring myself to pay my bills. On most days, just the thought of being late to an appointment or the thought of a deadline scares me. My anxiety is not something that I’m used to explaining in words to a reader, so please bear with me. I just want to explain how it can manifest in some people and that it’s important to care to know that everybody is different. It’s an issue that needs to be talked about. With cannabis, I’m able to write again. I’ve noticed that sometimes the words don’t come if I’m too anxious; the creativity won’t sprout. I’m not saying that I have to be high in order to be creative, but I’m saying it definitely helps to get me going, especially when I’m going through tough times. It’s like it’s clouded in my head with all the anxiety, almost like I can’t see clearly, but marijuana helps me see clearly.


Sometimes, it is the only thing that will put a smile on my face on a grey day. It can make some of my pain go away. People who are sick will definitely understand what it’s like to have a small glimpse of a break, some hope and some relief, even if it is for 1 minute, 2 hours or even 5 hours. It almost feels like for a mere moment, I’m not sick; and that definitely helps me visualize and leaves my mood uplifted. It’s quite a strange feeling indeed, but it makes me feel like everyone else and above all, makes me feel alive again. No other medication has ever been able to give me a somewhat normal life like medicinal cannabis.

Photo by Sean Berrigan

I really think people should smoke more weed because the world would be at peace. We would all love one another and respect one another. Cannabis also makes you happy and I have recurrent MDD, so it’s likely to occur again at some point in my life. There are various strains of cannabis that uplift your mood and a lot of uneducated people think that there’s only one type of cannabis (there are thousands and each has different and several medicinal properties), and that it is just  about the couch-potato lazy high.

It’s unimaginable how many people could benefit from medicinal marijuana. Women on their periods for example! A completely natural way to get rid of PMS and cramps, but the market isn’t accessible enough for this audience just yet. The market is definitely geared towards the male population, or maybe it simply hasn’t adapted, much like in other fields. I wouldn’t say that it is sexist per se, but it definitely isn’t attractive to me as a woman. And I was never a feminist, nor did I really know what it meant until I moved to Toronto, but by gaining a conscience and my own ideas, I’ve been able to notice an actual difference as a woman within the cannabis industry and I have become a feminist, so advocating for this cause seemed evident.


Photo by Sean Berrigan

Somehow, i feel isolated about cannabis and that’s the the best word I found to describe the emotions I feel. I always ask my boyfriend what he thinks of the strains and base my choices on his most of the time because he’s very knowledgable about cannabis and because a lot of the strains have such weird names! I think I feel insecure in a world where the male presence greatly surpasses the female’s. Maybe it’s because I don’t feel attracted to what’s out there right now? I see all these paraphernalia stores and they are plagued with lots of stuff that I can’t even describe. I think it’s going against what almost every women looks for in a store. I mean…I won’t go into a store if it doesn’t look attractive, but again maybe that’s just me… And I really believe there is a way to make it attractive and to definitely adapt so that many more women would feel open to trying it because it’s VERY intimidating at first.

I think Tokyo Smoke has done a great job and great things to try and change that. By selling high-end products, by creating a brand and through collaborations, it is slowly tapping into a blank canvas. What’s great is that I can relate: I can actually go into their space and be wowed by pipes that were hand-crafted in Canada and that are appealing. The beauty of it is also the accessibility of going to a coffee shop and being able to purchase paraphernalia without shame!!! As I had mentioned before, finding stores where I feel comfortable buying is important to me, and what best way than to shop while drinking the best Americano it town! When I first approached Tokyo Smoke to tell my story, it was because I believed in their profess and in the fact that they were ahead of the game. Their products were sleek and feminine, which was something I hadn’t seen before and their clean displays made it easy for me to know what to look for. I would love for the industry to keep moving in this direction and I would love to support women who have learned to integrate marijuana into their daily lives as a way to self-medicate. There needs to be support groups and help groups about how to navigate the system when you need to use medicinal marijuana and I really hope I am part of the movement.


Photo by Sean Berrigan

If you would like to share your story with me, email me at vmerc074@gmail.com nd let’s  talk about it! I would love to get to know you and to end the stigma, one woman at a time! On top of that, you get some sweet photos of you medicating in your own way!






I just wanted to dedicate this to my amazing boyfriend who helped me discover medicinal marijuana and who is always there for me, no matter what. Thanks to my family for helping my stay strong, to Tokyo Smoke for allowing me to share my story on their platforms and to my best friend Katlyn, who has inspired me to write in order to heal.

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